Yesterday, "Chi, ... di cho mua ...(Your shoes are old, why not go to market to buy?)" my Vietnamese colleague A watched my shoes and said. "K, o Dai Loan(No, th shoes are from Taiwan)." I replied. She kept going smilingly, "xx Vietnam dep dep!" ''K co ranh,'' I said. ''Em oto .. chi..(I can take you to the market by bike it's quicker!),'' she responded excitedly.
Today, I did notice my shoes, which surface is quite scuffed but its elegant blackness and shape still exists...looked like a fabulous grunge plus artistic Italian styles instead. I think I live and perform differently in the world being alone and with Vietnamese colleagues caused of the appreciation gap and language barriers. Similarly, some different selves appear and are satisfied in the hometown but not Vietnam since the life are uncommon mostly:
For example, in Vietnam, the topics are usually around the very simple life, like eating and working. I cannot dress skirts and visit endless exhibitions the art museums in Dalat at all.
I cannot read many Chinese books and usually have to speak English or poor Vietnamese or
simplified Chinese to Vietnamese colleagues...
.
Also, I cannot share my opinions about the marvelous and touching art works I saw like those from Van Gogh, Monet...You don't want to be disturbed in the expression either in Chinese or English so much, for example:
''Who is VAN Go, sister, could you write down his name?''
''What the word ''painting'' means?''
If I was lucky, maybe there are no questions for the language itself but for the topic.
But it means the description must be very simple, like:
"Do you know what's painting?" (If the listener said yes, it means I can keep going.)
"I saw some paintings in Taiwan when I went home last time. They were very nice." (It's tired to explain who is Van Gogh, so just ignored.)
It's very different from the piece I'd like to express and hope to discuss further:
"You know last time I went back Taiwan, I watched Van Gogh's works, including charcoal drawings, which in his early career. These works are very simple but you could feel absolute sincerity in these works. Obviously, he kept observating labor class and contributing on the art itself. The time I went there where was few people so I concentrated on each painting so much and tried to close to his art world. His oil paintings were extreme beautiful and sorrowful. The colors and skills convey strong affection uniquely. I was so moved and wept..."
***
In fact, today, the same play with A performed again and it's becuase of language difficulty certainlty.
In the morning, I assigned her to do one very simple task, which was deleting one row in each paper. I told her like, ''Em lam o day, bo bo...(you work here, you delete...)" I demonstrated. She followed and did correctly in the early beginning. And she asked me for making sure. I told her she's right. Then, she continued but asked me again just after finishing few paper. I felt a little angry and asked C for translation immediatedly: ''C, you tell A don't ask one simple work several time. She should remember for such a simple thing!!'' C told her with a little embrassment. I didn't notice what A responded (in Vietnamese words) since she has disturbed my thoughts for the troublesome task again. However, about 5 minutes later. I had an awareness for the hesitation in her firs and second inquires and I figured out: No matter how simple the task is, she always lacks of sense of security, since she is afraid that she misunderstands my assignments. If I were her, facing a foreigner in working situation, I think I would have the same or worse responds.
That's why I felt calm at that moment. And firstly I told her don't think of what I said too much. I just wanted to let her know. Next, I asked her whether she wanted to learn Chinese or English. ''Neu tieng Vietnam rat kho, chi noi sai, em khong hieu...(Because speaking Vietnames words are so difficult. I speak incorrectly so that you don't understand.)'' I explained. I told C that Vietnamese people cannot understand our foreigner's Vietnamese words even just a tiny difference in the pronunciations or intonations! I thought that A has no interests or confidence to learn either Chinese or English by her responds. But I think she understands me more, and maybe can go on bearing my sudden bad temper for unexpected misunderstandings with her.
***
In some ways, I often feel excited for my discoveries about selves and the environment, where is filled with both confusion and wonder ( what I am curious about and what are not?). The comparision from the experiences in countries and languages is not a judgement, but a way of comprehension.
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